The Myth About Chocolate & Nuts



NUTS DO NOT RUIN CHOCOLATE!

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By: Neeharika Thuravil 
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like nuts in their chocolate, and those who prefer chocolate in all it's concentrated cringe-worthiness and think that adding nuts to it is the cardinal sin of chocolate-eating.
No.
Adding nuts to your chocolate DOES NOT ruin it.
See, nuts provide chocolate with something it can’t develop on its own: crunchiness. The satisfyingly addictive snap you get when you bite the bar. The beautiful, beautiful, right amount of saltiness to compliment the chocolate and enhance it's taste and to keep you interested in it.
I mean, hey, if you prefer your chocolate rather have the consistency of slightly hardened baby food, and taste EXACTLY THE SAME THROUGHOUT, sure. But denouncing the qualities that nuts bring to the chocolate-nuts relationship will call a horde of angry chocolate-nut fanatics after you. If you die, remember that it’s your fault. You were the one who insulted one of the largest minorities in the world, and we will do whatever it takes to defend our preferences and lifestyle.
This is loosely (read: transcribed verbatim) based off of an argument I may or may not have had with one of my best friends. And it may or may not have escalated into a debate fiery enough to burn across Australia. And I may or may not be talking to her anymore.
Just kidding (about the part where I say “Just kidding” ;)
Sigh.
We are extreme. Snickers is our god. And we will always, always, have an angry or otherwise violent retort for any uncultured swine who goes, “Ewwwwww! You like nuts in your chocolate? Gross!”
P.S.: For those of you who are unfortunately allergic to nuts and have no choice BUT to eat your chocolate plain, I sincerely apologize and you are always welcome to join the honorary ranks of our reigning minority.

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