Ask Eliza



Hey Eliza,
I have a problem that needs some solving. Lately I’ve just been feeling so down about myself and every time I look in the mirror a million insults pop into my brain. A lot of them are about how ugly I am or how large I feel or how I wish I were as smart as some of my friends. I can’t seem to shake these negative voices that creep in my head and lately they’ve been appearing in my brain during school too. I just wish there was something that I can do before my self-confidence reaches a record low, even my friends and family members have been noticing how sad I am lately. The only thing I want is to be as happy as I used to be before all of this doubt started plaguing me. Do you have any ideas on how to boost my confidence again?

Dear Reader,
First of all I want you to stop whatever you’re doing right now, go over to the nearest mirror and look at your reflection. As you stare at yourself in the mirror, I want you to whisper, “I am beautiful and I am special and I am worth it” because you are. And I want you to keep repeating that message until you believe it, no matter how many times it takes you.
We were all born into this world with a different combination of personality and physical traits that are unique to us. You may share one or more qualities with others but ultimately there is no single person on this Earth who is exactly like you. All of these traits add up to create who we are today and the person that you will see in the mirror for many years to come. So instead of looking at your less desirable traits as flaws, instead look at them as one more thing that makes you who you are. All of us are beautiful no matter how many beauty marks we may have or the curves that carve out our bodies or the amount of skin that skims over our muscles.
Your traits are the things that make you recognizable to everyone else, and honestly without these traits you probably wouldn’t feel like yourself at all. In the end, trying to change your traits is futile because it ends up making you feel like the person in the mirror is a stranger and you didn’t realize how much you loved your curves or your cheerfulness until they were gone. (However if you have negative personality traits you would like to change into positive ones that’s a whole other story and you can and will achieve that positivity) That is why it is so so important not to let others define you, although in the end it is ourselves who are our own worst enemy, the main villain in our lives. According to author Becky Balock, “The average human has 65,000 thoughts every day and 85 to 90 percent of them are negative--things to worry about or fear. (Check out her full article, here!)
The fact that so many of our thoughts are negative is not only shocking but worrying, instead of having a multitude of bad thoughts we should change them into happy ones that make us feel less anxious and more joyful. If we continue this worrying behavior, it makes us feel paranoid and think that others have the same negative thoughts about us as we do.
The voices in your head that say you’re not pretty enough or skinny enough or intelligent enough? Get rid of them! And instead replace them with voices that say how beautiful you are and who, when you look in the mirror, tell you that you are perfect and irreplaceable. And the best part is that once your thoughts start becoming more optimistic, it will radiate outward and you will definitely start to feel content about yourself and who you are. However, there are also some other tips to help you feel positive and accomplished. These include joining activities and clubs that make you happy and confident with yourself, these can be sports, art, music, or whatever makes you feel the calmest.
Second, surround yourself with people that make you feel like your best self, are interested in your achievements, not your looks, and encourage you to do your best in everything that you do.
Thirdly, wear what makes you feel happy and confident whether that is in jeans and a t-shirt or a flowy dress. The goal is to feel good about your body and to feel assured when you wear them.
Fourthly, don’t let a bad day knock you down, we all get them when we least expect it, the best thing to do is get back up and try to have a better day tomorrow. Lastly, take care of yourself! This is possibly the most important step of all, because not only does it include eating healthily (this doesn’t mean exempting all junk food, of course you can treat yourself once in a while), exercising (yoga, organized sports, running, etc.), and getting 8-9 hours of sleep per night, it also means replacing bad thoughts with the good ones like I mentioned previously and feeling that you are perfect exactly as you are.
Reader, I hope these tips help you and most of all I hope your confidence is reinstated because you’re an amazing human being who deserves all the happiness in the world! And to finish off with one last dose of inspiration here is a quote by C.Joybell C. “I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don't want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It's high time that I accept all the great things about me.” And you should accept all the wonderful things about you too and learn to love yourself. Have an amazing week, a wonderful year, and a fabulous life!
Sincerely, Eliza

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